Don’t Let Others Take Control of Your Life

Hi! Happy June! It’s June right? Time just kind of flew by. How is everyone? I’ve been pretty absent on here lately.

Well, today I want to talk about this quote I rediscovered today. I first found it around this time last year, and it goes like this:

“This is your world. Shape it or someone else will.”

This quote can mean a lot of things. I feel like people can interpret it a bunch of different ways. But this is how I interpret it:

The first thing I think about is the abuse I suffered and how much my abuser controlled me, whether it be manipulation with her words or how my thinking patterns changed. Because she controlled so much of my life, my life basically revolved around her, i.e., anything and everything I did was to make her happy instead of angry. Granted, she got angry anyways because she always found something to be mad about.

But my point is this: I let her shape my world. She controlled my world with fear, manipulation, anger, etc. I was becoming “the backlash of somebody’s lack of love” (a quote from the song “Brave” by Sara Bareilles). I started to get angry, really angry. I don’t think I lashed out at anyone a lot, most of the time I’d take it out on myself.

I always put her first, and I’d try to the best of my ability to treat her with kindness and love, even though she didn’t treat me that way. And yet I was still called selfish. All the time. I can count four times where I’d snapped at her when I lost control of my anger towards her and my ability to think before I speak, but directly after I’d stay quiet until I knew I could only speak kindly to her to the best of my ability. Because as the saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

My thinking patterns changed a lot. I had always kind of been the person to put others first and had difficulty saying “no” most of the time. I said “sorry” a lot. All that stuff. But over those five long years of living with her I’d taken all this to the extreme. After being called “selfish” and “annoying” a lot (when I was just trying to be nice), I began to apologize even more, for everything, things I didn’t do because I didn’t want to be selfish so I figured if I could somehow be the one whose to blame, all the time, I won’t be selfish any of the time. If I never tell someone “no” then I’m never selfish because I’m not putting myself first ever and if I let them do whatever they want, then they won’t be mad or upset at me.

On January 1st, 2015 I had a breakdown. After using this “no selfish rule” for most of my lifeĀ I had finally reached my breaking point. It was super difficult but I managed to talk it out to a few people, and we all decided to work on it together. I would work on putting myself first, saying “no” and to only be sorry when it’s appropriate, and they would help me. I was scared. I still am. But it’s progress.

My boyfriend is constantly reminding me that she’s out of my life now and I don’t have to let her control me. That’s a reminder I think everyone should have.

The second thing I think about, which should probably be first, is God. If you focus on people, and letting them take control over your life, your thoughts, etc. then maybe you aren’t putting God first and letting him take the reins of your life. He has the best plan for you. You may not see it yet and you may go through obstacles. But those obstacles you’re going through? You can handle them with God by your side. God never gives you something you can’t handle.

Walk by faith, not by sight. Let your faith be bigger than your fears.

What does that quote make you think of? The first thing that comes to mind? I’d love to listen and discuss it with you!

Don’t forget to stay strong and courageous! Have the most wonderful June yet!

Until next time. x Stefani

Don’t let the negativity get to you

Some days are really hard. I can’t stop thinking about the past. I feel guilty. I feel angry. And sometimes I think about how much I’ve been hurt and how that has effected the way I think about myself. The weird thing is that sometimes I’ll even do this on purpose to make myself feel bad, because I feel I deserve it.

Sometimes I feel as if I’m just a confused little girl stumbling through this life not knowing what’s she’s doing, where she’s going, or why she’s even going.

A lot of good things have been happening in my life lately, but I can’t help but think about the bad things. Even if sometimes those things are in the past. I feel like that happens to a lot of people, oftentimes we’ll be so focused on the bad that we can’t see the good. Don’t let that happen. Look around you and you will see all the wonderful things happening. They may be small, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t great. And if you still can’t find anything to be grateful for, try this: help others without expecting anything back. Buy a homeless person some lunch, or just have a nice talk with them. They probably don’t get a lot of people to talk to. Smile at someone. You never know what someone else could be going through, so always be kind to them, and help them. You will feel really happy you did, trust me. DSC_0391 Here’s a picture that my boyfriend took of me and my beautiful mommy. Mother’s Day is coming up, don’t forget to show how much you appreciate your mom! Have a wonderful day, and Happy (Early) Mother’s Day!

21 Random Acts of Kindness

Hello and good morning! I hope you’re all having a happy day! I am, even though I’m sick.

Next month is my 21st birthday, and I wanted to do something special: 21 random acts of kindness (or more) during the month of May. I won’t be drinking alcohol ever so I thought I’d do something else that’s way more awesome.

But I need your help. I have a list of 9 acts of kindness, but I need more. I’d love to have 21 or more, but even if I don’t reach that number, I plan to just repeat the others again and again.

Here’s what I have so far:

  • Pass out flowers (not roses)
  • Leave uplifting messages on paper on the tables at restaurants/cafe’s for people to find
  • Leave “take what you need” papers on poles
  • Put money in parking meters
  • Pay for the person behind me in line
  • Give goodie bags to the homeless, ask for their name and talk with them
  • Write a real handwritten letter to friends and family
  • Make lunch for someone and stick an uplifting note inside
  • Let people go in front of me in line

Does anybody have any ideas? Thanks for the help!